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FIC: The Adventures of Parker and Cohen 2/6

FIC: The Adventures of Parker and Cohen
Author: NightRider
Rating: G - This chapter
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Beta: The forever amazing starxd_sparrow
Characters: The Tenth Doctor and the Torchwood Team
Summary: The Doctor's antics continue and with Owen as a guide, how will Jack ever cope?
A/N: This is the sequel to Scorched Food. The crack continues!
Dedication: For my gentle reader, petit_fox.

I still have power! Woot!




“We’re going to need to have your coat cleaned, Sir,” Ianto commented after seeing Jack’s disheveled appearance. He received what could only be described as a grunt in response.

“What’s wrong with him?” Gwen asked as she slipped out of her jacket.

Owen glanced at Jack who was sulking over a cup of coffee and attempting to disappear between the couch cushions. “My guess? His time traveling boyfriend showed up, handled the alien threat while schooling Torchwood in the process, and disappeared with the aforementioned alien threat without a proper kiss hello.”

“Owen, never miss a good chance to shut up,” Jack said quietly. The underlying threat didn’t fall on deaf ears.

“What? It was only a guess,” Owen muttered after he noticed the glares of his other three teammates.

Tosh settled at her computer station while Gwen started reviewing some police reports that Andy had suggested she look at during her “free time.” Ianto seemed content to tidy up the Hub. Jack was still trying to become one with the sofa.

“Right, see you tomorrow, then,” Owen said, grabbing his jacket and walking towards the exit.

Tosh glanced up from the computer screen. “You’re leaving?”

“I, unlike some people around here, have a life.”

“Have fun at the pub,” Gwen said.

“Let’s see if he shows up on time tomorrow,” Ianto muttered after Owen was out of earshot.

“Why would tomorrow be different than any other day?” Tosh asked.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The pub was crowded which was to be expected for a Friday night. Owen pushed to the bar and grinned at the attractive barmaid while pulling his wallet out of his back pocket.

“Pint of Landlord, please.”

She stared at him for several seconds before retrieving the requested ale.

“Are you –“ She pushed her black hair out of her eyes and blinked several times. “Never mind.” The young woman blushed, snatched the money from Owen’s hand, and quickly left to take someone else’s order.

Owen shrugged and started searching for an empty table. A tall, lanky man bumped into him and nearly caused his glass to slip out of his hand. “Oi! Careful, mate!”

The man was quick to apologize. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry! I didn’t realize - ”

Owen nearly dropped his glass a second time. “Doctor?”

“Owen?”

“What the hell?” Owen glanced behind the Doctor to see if anyone was with him. “What are you doing here? Has something happened?”

The Doctor shook his head clearly confused. “Why does everyone always ask me that?”

Owen was going to reference the numerous stories he’d heard about the Doctor and how trouble seemed to be synonymous with his name, but he opted for a simpler approach. “Does Jack know you’re here?”

The Doctor shoved his coat aside so he could rest his hands on his hips. “What kind of question is that? I’ll have you know that Jack isn’t my keeper. I’ve managed to survive a long time without the assistance of the infamous Captain Jack. If anyone needs a keeper around here, it’s -”

Owen raised his hand. “It was just a question, mate. No reason to get all tetchy.”

The Doctor dropped his hands to his sides. “I’m not being tetchy.”

“Well, since you’re here, get yourself a drink.”

The Doctor raised his eyebrow curiously. “You’re inviting me to join you?”

“Are you kidding? The look on Jack’s face tomorrow when I tell him who I went out drinking with? Well worth the price of admission if you ask me.”

The Doctor shrugged, whatever Owen just said went sailing right by him. “What’s good here? Do they have tea?”

Owen blinked several times. “Tea?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“You’re at a pub!” Owen said, shaking his head at the absurdity of it all. “No one who’s sitting with me is going to be drinking tea. That’s just…insane.” He shoved the Time Lord out of the way and returned to the bar to order the clueless man a proper drink.

The barmaid walked over to Owen and she glanced over his shoulder at the Doctor. She opened and closed her mouth several times as she pointed at the two men.

“Oh my god! It’s Cohen and Parker!” she nearly yelled causing several people standing around them to look with interest.

“I’m sorry,” Owen began, “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Of course we haven’t met!” the cheerful barmaid replied, propping one arm on the bar and batting her long, black eyelashes several times. “I’m Shannon.”

Owen, never one to turn down a nice offer, said, “I’m –“

“Cohen,” she interjected with a wink. “I know who you are. Let me just say that I love your music.”

“My music?” Owen repeated.

The Doctor moved to stand beside Owen. “You must have us confused with –“

Shannon cut across him, her gaze raking over the baffled Doctor several times. “You’re even better looking in person, Parker. Great tie, by the way.” She smiled as the Doctor turned several shades of red. “What can I get for you, love? I can to make something special just for you.”

“I bet you could,” Owen murmured, his eyes fixed on the attractive woman.

The Doctor tugged on his collar. “I’m fi –“

“Now don’t be rude, Parker,” Owen interjected, jabbing the Doctor in the ribs. “Make him something good, sweetheart.” Owen winked at the young woman causing her to blush. She grabbed several bottles from the top shelf and started pouring them into a glass.

The Doctor grabbed Owen by the shoulder and spun him around. “What do you think you’re doing and who exactly are Parker and Cohen?”

Owen shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Musicians, maybe?”

The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest. “She obviously thinks we’re people that we’re not. It’s not right to take advantage of her generosity.”

“Oh really?” Owen hissed, mirroring the Doctor’s stance. “Are you going to stand there and tell me you’ve never pretended to be something that you’re not?”

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply, but soon realized that the moral high ground wasn’t his to claim.

“You two are cute when you fight,” Shannon said, pushing the alcoholic concoction in the Doctor’s general direction.

“Best of mates, we are,” Owen said with a large grin as he grabbed the Doctor’s shoulder and squeezed tightly.

The Doctor pulled away from Owen, and lifted the drink Shannon had provided to eye level. He reached into his coat pocket, and stopped when he felt Owen’s hand on his arm.

“I swear if you pull anything sonic out of that jacket, I’m inviting every woman in this bar on a trip in that blue box of yours,” Owen threatened.

The Doctor glanced around the bar and saw that he and Owen had somehow become the center of attention. A small group of women and several men had gathered around them and started introducing themselves. Somewhere between Jessica who attends Cardiff University, Ben who enjoys playing rugby, and Gina who lives on Oakfield Street, the Doctor downed the drink Shannon had provided for him.

The Doctor wasn’t sure who bought the next round or the three rounds after that. He decided he liked the fruity mixers Shannon made more than the beer Owen was trying to cram down his throat. He also realized that he missed Jack. The Doctor glanced at his drink curiously and wondered what exactly was being put in these beverages.

“Keep drinking, mate,” Owen encouraged with a wink, sliding another mixer across the table.

These types of endeavors were more fun with Jack around, not that Owen wasn’t holding his own - if holding your own counted as holding a blonde beauty on your lap.

“Everything okay, Parker?” Gina asked, leaning over and combing her fingertips through the Doctor’s hair. It wasn’t that the Doctor didn’t like the attention, because, well, who wouldn’t like the attention? He might be an alien, but he wasn’t blind. He also wasn’t sure about Ben – Benjamin – Benny –whatever his name was – that was giving him the eye from across the pub. The whole situation felt awkward and alarmingly human.

“We can call Jack if you want,” Owen said with a sigh. “I mean, you obviously have codependency issues. Who am I to judge?” Owen pressed his hand against the woman’s back. “Slide over, sweetheart, so I can grab my phone.”

The Doctor glared across the table. “I do not have codependency issues!”

“So who’s Jack?” Gina asked with obvious interest.

“He’s –“ Owen paused, not wanting to drop the charade just yet. “Our bodyguard.”

“Oh, you need a bodyguard? That’s terrible!”

“Well, Parker has a tendency to find trouble,” Owen explained, smirking at the Doctor’s continued death glare. “I’m not sure why, but he seems to feel more comfortable when Jack is around. Now me, on the other hand, I prefer to handle life’s challenges on my –“

Somewhere during Owen’s speech, the Doctor decided he hadn’t lived over nine hundred years to put up with this. He swallowed the drink he’d been holding, the glass slamming on the table when he finished.

Owen grinned, his gaze meeting the Doctor’s. “That’s just my game.” He winked at the Time Lord. “I’ll get the next round.”

The drinks continued coming and the Doctor decided that perhaps this little human encounter wasn’t that bad after all. Ben – Benny – whatever – was a music enthusiast and caught the Doctor in a discussion about the relationship between mathematics and music. The Doctor, who was feeling rather good about himself and the Universe in general, didn’t even mind that Ben’s arm was around his neck. Such a friendly group, the Doctor decided.

And as long nights at the pub often go, someone decided that switching to tequila was a good idea. Everyone readily agreed.

Somewhere between several spilled drinks and the Doctor removing his tie, someone asked if Parker and Cohen would be kind enough to perform for their fans. “Of course we’ll do a song!” Owen yelled, lifting his glass and slopping some of the amber colored liquid on the table. “We’d be happy to!”

The Doctor, whose tie had somehow ended up around his head, stared at Owen. “We’re going to do what?”

“A song.” Owen fixed him with a pointed look. “You do remember how to play, don’t you?”

“I seem to have forgotten my guitar in the TARDIS,” the Doctor replied.

“Oh, what’s a TARDIS?” Gina asked.

“A town,” Owen replied, kicking the Doctor under the table. “His mother lives there.”

“That’s so sweet,” Jessica said, leaning against the Doctor’s side. “You still take time out of your busy schedule to visit your mum.”

“Yep, he’s a giver,” Owen said smugly. He stood up, grabbed the tie that was hanging over the Doctor’s nose, and tugged the Time Lord to his feet. “Come on, Parker, let’s go get ready. We wouldn’t want to disappoint our fans.”

“And what exactly do you think we’re going to do for instruments?” the Doctor asked as Owen weaved through the crowd.

“We wing it,” Owen replied. “I hear you’re good at that sort of thing.”

“You have no idea,” the Doctor muttered before taking deep breath, blowing the tie off his face and over his shoulder. Things couldn’t possibly go wrong, could they? Not when the Universe was this warm, this beautiful, this… lopsided. “Allons-y!”

Several minutes later a man in the back of the audience was shaking his head. He yanked his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contact list, stopping when he reached Gwen Cooper.

“Andy Davidson,” Gwen answered promptly, her tone warm and friendly. “I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight. Everything okay?”

“You’re not going to believe this,” Andy replied. “Do you hear that?” He lifted his phone over his head.

“Is that - Owen? Please tell me he’s not singing ‘I Love Rock n’ Roll.’”

Andy pressed the phone tightly against his ear to be heard over the pounding music and screaming audience. “You’ve got to get down here.”

“We’re on our way,” Gwen replied before hanging up the phone and turning to her colleagues. “Change of plan. We’re going to the pub.”

Chapter 3

Comments

( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
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petit_fox
Aug. 19th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
"without a proper kiss hello.”
Oh. owen knows Jack to well. *snickers*

LOL! Now I finally know why the Doctor is said to be all tetchy ^^ And I had to laugh when Owen was asking him if something had happened. The Doctor is really... the oncoming storm. For trouble...

Cohen and Parker?! COHEN AND PARKER?!?! *roars with laughter* HAha, I can't see their facees but it would be so worth it, seeing Owen and Time right now. Of course Owen likes it, getting all those "specials" ;) Haha, that's soundin so random and funny, I totally like it.

codependency issues. Great. Ha, awww, really, that's awesome. But I'm a bit scared rigth now... come on. Owen and Parker could be anyone. Like... two men. Dragqueens. Whatever xD

The Doctor, whose tie had somehow ended up around his head! YAY! Show me that cion of yours please, right now! xD It's like in the "Girl in the Fireplace" He looked great. And this Ben... oh no. I hope Jack won't meet him. I mena.. is around the Timelord's neck! ^___^

ROFL! No Owen is singing " I love Rock'n Roll" Honey, it's getting too much. I need some pills to calm me down because I'm once again HYPER. Only you manage to put me in such a state of mind.

Plus I'm feeling lucky again. I was looking at my flist and saw your story! Wohooo! I can't wait for thze next part. What is Jakc going to say? And what will happen to Ben? *g* What more sonngs are they going to sing? And will the Doctor get a hug? (Well, not from Ben but from Jack xD) Oh, I forgot: I loved it when the Doctor was brooding and suddenly thought of Jack, that he's missing him. that was cute.

Go you! <3
Edit: Geez. Sorry for those spelling erros -___- hyper.

Edited at 2008-08-19 03:34 pm (UTC)
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
This story seems to have turned into a cracky random train wreck. I'm okay with that. :D

Honey, it's getting too much. I need some pills to calm me down because I'm once again HYPER. Only you manage to put me in such a state of mind.

YAY! I'm so glad you're still enjoying this.

Jack, aka the bodyguard, has arrived on the scene. ;) I've got the next couple of pages of the third chapter written so I've started it at least.

Oh, I forgot: I loved it when the Doctor was brooding and suddenly thought of Jack, that he's missing him. that was cute.

In keeping with the theme of Scorched Food, they've started that weird, but wonderful relationship thingy. ;) It will be explored a bit more in the coming chapters. :) That is, of course, if I can ever get "Cohen and Parker" off the stage. :P

Thanks again! *hugs*

ETA: No worries on the spelling errors. ;) I knew what you meant.




Edited at 2008-08-19 03:39 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - petit_fox - Aug. 19th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
newra_skylarke
Aug. 19th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
*just dies laughing* ha! brilliant. i love it. excellent. keep writing... i demand more. this is hilarious.
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

The next chapter has been started so hopefully I'll be able to finish it over the weekend.
aschicca
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:00 pm (UTC)
TeeHee!!!! Yay for power and double yay for the update *dances around the room*

I don't think I stopped laughing for a moment after the Parker and Cohen thingie! Oh to be able to see the Doctor's face! Not that I can't picture it mind you *G*

Also the codependecy remark made my day, and it's *so* true!!!

Let's see what will happen when the "bodyguard" will arrive to retrive his boyfriend. Did I just type boyfriend? *giggles*
angely78
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:14 pm (UTC)
omg, there's that pic again! Where the heck is it coming from??

*daydreams over your icon*

That man CANNOT take a bad photo, I swear.
(no subject) - aschicca - Aug. 19th, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - angely78 - Aug. 19th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nightrider101 - Aug. 19th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nightrider101 - Aug. 19th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
adaliazandra
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
I can not WAIT until Jack sees them...! I <3 your drunk!Ten. :-D
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
LOL Thanks, dear. :)

Drunk!Ten, however probable or improbable it might be, it's fun to write.
molleo
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:42 pm (UTC)
Although I have a hard time believing Owen could convince Ten to drink heavily, it is an incredibly amusing idea! I like your writing a lot. I look forward to more.
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
This story is a sequel to 'Scorched Food.' I'm not sure if you read that, but it's keeping with the same intoxication theme. :)

These stories are more crack than anything else and I'm certainly not claiming it could happen, but they've been fun to write.

Thanks for the feedback!
souleswanderer
Aug. 19th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
Rofl, oh girl you've made my day!

“Owen, never miss a good chance to shut up,”
Good thing I had already swallowed my soda. Perfect sulky Jack.

The Doctor shrugged, whatever Owen just said went sailing right by him. Yes, he really can be that dense for someone so brilliant. He shoved the Time Lord out of the way and returned to the bar to order the clueless man a proper drink. See? I was right!

“I swear if you pull anything sonic out of that jacket, I’m inviting every woman in this bar on a trip in that blue box of yours,” Owen threatened. rofl, Owen could care less who he threatens, but it's a good one.

and Gina who lives on Oakfield Street Aw shucks! I've been immortalized, yeah me, go you!! You're awesome!

“Everything okay, Parker?” Gina asked, leaning over and combing her fingertips through the Doctor’s hair. And I get to play with his hair?? You realize the temp just raised exponentially...

“We’re going to do what?” Now there's a splash of ice water on the fun--hehe gobsmacked Doctor.

Things couldn’t possibly go wrong, could they? Not when the Universe was this warm, this beautiful, this… lopsided. “Allons-y!” The Doctor's typical glorious optimism shining through! He's game for anything the universe can throw at him. Even if it is Owen.

“Change of plan. We’re going to the pub.” Dum-dee-dum-dum... heavy drumroll, oh cliffy!! BAH!

So Andy and Owen frequent the same pub? We learn a bit more about our innocent PC, hehe. Oh for a soundtrack or video of the boys performance :)

Keep up the fantastic job, and I can't wait to see the rest of the group show up!




nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
Yes, you will forever be Gina who lives on Oakfield Street. ;) I suppose there are worse things especially considering you got to ruffle his hair.

The Doctor's typical glorious optimism shining through! He's game for anything the universe can throw at him.

That's something that I admire about the Doctor. Even after everything he's been through, he's still able to have fun and live for the moment. I love that quality in him!

Keep up the fantastic job, and I can't wait to see the rest of the group show up!

Heh. You say that now. :P

Thanks for the lovely review! It means the world to me!

(no subject) - souleswanderer - Aug. 19th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nightrider101 - Aug. 19th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - souleswanderer - Aug. 19th, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nightrider101 - Aug. 19th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
vail_kagami
Aug. 19th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
I bloody love this story! Cohen and Parker have to be the best musicians ever!
Just how does the tie always end around the Doctor's head? It has to be a special Time Lord power. An especially adorable one.

You are turning me into a rapid Owen/Doctor fan here. Like I said, you are probably the only one who could write them as a pair and make it work.

Typical for Owen to take advantage of the situation, though.

I can't want to read the next part. Jack the bodyguard coming to the rescue! The Doctor will never live this down. Good thing he's immune to embarressment.
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
Just how does the tie always end around the Doctor's head? It has to be a special Time Lord power.

I agree. :) I'm left wondering who put it there. ;)

You are turning me into a rapid Owen/Doctor fan here. Like I said, you are probably the only one who could write them as a pair and make it work.

YAY! I'm flattered that you feel like that. You know I'm an Owen fan. His attitude comes in handy especially for a story like this. ;)

Thanks for the lovely review and the support throughout. My writing wouldn't be the same without you.
(no subject) - vail_kagami - Aug. 20th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC) - Expand
jujuberry136
Aug. 19th, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Adorable and super fun! Thanks for sharing!

*iz drooling in remembrance of the doctor's tie on his head as seen in the girl in the mirror*
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
That was one of my favorite scenes. ;)

Thanks for taking the time to respond!
shinodabear
Aug. 19th, 2008 07:25 pm (UTC)
You are insane and I love you for it. I've laughed far too much throughout the entire fic.

He also realized that he missed Jack. The Doctor glanced at his drink curiously and wondered what exactly was being put in these beverages.

Awww! It's too cute! He and Owen make a dangerous pair. Or maybe Owen's a bit of a dangerous influence. I don't mind one bit, though!
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
You are insane and I love you for it.

I've been wondering about my sanity. ;) I'm so glad you approve!

Yeah, the Doctor and Owen are going to turn some heads. The jury is still out on whether that's a good thing or not. :P

Thanks for the review!
iamjabberwok
Aug. 19th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
Hooray for a sequel to Scorched Food! I already can't wait for the update.

Jack is going to kick the Doctor's ass six ways to sunday...
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
I have it on good authority that Jack is not amused. ;) Of course being ticked off and being able to do something about it are different matters entirely. :D

Thanks for the kind review!
off_the_post18
Aug. 19th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
Hee! I was hoping you would update this soon, I really wanted to see where it was headed since I loved 'Scorched Food.'

*is highly amused by intoxicated!Doctor and has the image of him with the tie around his head stuck in my head*

I anxiously await the arrival of bodyguard Jack. You know, the thought of Jack as a bodyguard is actually rather appealing. Ok, no more AU story thoughts running through my brain---I have a shower scene and then some angsty!Jack to write. LOL.

Glad to know the worst of your weather has passed.
nightrider101
Aug. 19th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
I anxiously await the arrival of bodyguard Jack. You know, the thought of Jack as a bodyguard is actually rather appealing.

Oh, I agree. ;) We'll see if the Doctor feels the same way.

A shower scene to write? Ohh, that sounds promising!

Thanks for the wonderful review. :) You're always very kind.
cath_lovesyou
Aug. 20th, 2008 02:55 am (UTC)

“What the hell?” Owen glanced behind the Doctor to see if anyone was with him. “What are you doing here? Has something happened?”

The Doctor shook his head clearly confused. “Why does everyone always ask me that?”


“We wing it,” Owen replied. “I hear you’re good at that sort of thing.”

“You have no idea,” the Doctor muttered before taking deep breath, blowing the tie off his face and over his shoulder. Things couldn’t possibly go wrong, could they? Not when the Universe was this warm, this beautiful, this… lopsided. “Allons-y!”


much too quote-able not to mention in my blog! may i have permission to post them there. I will credit you of course!
nightrider101
Aug. 20th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
may i have permission to post them there. I will credit you of course!

Sure you can repost the lines that you liked. :) I'm flattered that you want to!

Thanks for the lovely review.
amproof
Aug. 20th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
Fun! I love Owen and the Doctor and seeing them together is great. I really like how you're writing Owen--so cheeky! Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but are Cohen and Parker real people?

nightrider101
Aug. 20th, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
LOL It's not a stupid question. :) I probably should have made that more clear. Cohen and Parker are products of my imagination - and also two names that sounded similar to Owen and the Doctor. ;)

Thanks for the kind review!
anotherxworld
Aug. 20th, 2008 07:59 am (UTC)
If Jack is on his way and the Doctor's drunk, MTV are going to be questioning 'Parker's' sexuality...

And this is why you're fantastic.
nightrider101
Aug. 20th, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
LOL Thanks for the kind review!

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.
sarkywoman
Aug. 20th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
I don't know who Cohen and Parker are...

But squee for my cameo!
nightrider101
Aug. 20th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
Don't feel bad. I don't know who Cohen and Parker are either. They just happened to sound similar to Owen and the Doctor. ;)

I'm glad you liked your cameo!
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